Stronger

In times of need.


Just have to finish this blog post, before I slumber. Its 3.22am now, 2nd May.

The conversation I had was personal, it was reflective and it made me realise alot of things. For the split second, I was taken back to the past. Remembering the things I did, all the unfair things. I was a really mean person, especially to you. I took you for granted, I took all my friends for granted. What others say is true, "You fight with everyone who is your friend."
Strings attached. I remember back then, when I looked at you, I smiled. My heart warmed up and my day seems much better. You noticed me first, before I noticed you.
But you helped me, you helped me in almost all the possible ways. Because of a rift which was the cause of my flaws, you finally got me to notice, by then it was already too late. I couldn't rewind the past. All the crazy times we shared, when we'd know what each other would be thinking, whenever I needed you, you would be there. I loved it. But it was all gone. It didn't disappear instantly, it diffused into thin air slowly. Probably testing whether I cared about and was oblivious of the people around me. I didn't and wasn't.

Someone asked...if I was close to anyone since sec one without fighting with that person. I couldn't answer that question. The fact that I couldn't answer, hurt so badly.

That was then, that was 2 years ago. How about now? Am I still hating and hurting the ones who care and love me? I feel like I constantly need help. When someone does render help, I never know how to repay that person properly. It takes a lot of time and a lot of thinking, to build back the trusts beween friends. I remember, not too long ago, I detested you sooooo much because you played with my feelings. But now, I can safely say I can tell that the friendship we share is different. And you, when you were my best friend, you helped me out, you heard my rantings, you were there for me whenever I cried, you shouldered my heavy heart whenever I had problems, and now, you're my love. And you, my ultimate best friend, we have this roller-coaster relationship yet at the end of the day we laugh things out, talk about teachers, or any other random nonsense we share in common.

I have so many people to express my gratitude to. One person most significantly, You. You were not afraid to tell it like it is, in hope that I will wake up. Well I've woken up. So what happens now? I wanted to cry, but I tell myself I won't. Because my loved ones, the ones who care, have made me into a stronger person. I won't have my regrets.


Readers, if you read this post, please read this with an open mind. And please do not speculate or start rumours. And please, do not ask me why did I blog this. It is after all, my blog. And I don't blog for people, I blog for myself.

Typing this post took me half an hour and I had to make sure I am grammatically right.
(But I do not think I am)
I'm going to bed now and I'm going to wake up with heavy eyebags for my rehearsal later in the day.
Goodness, I hope I don't oversleep.

Goodnight vaguelythis, I love you.