Not too long ago

About a week ago, I was out with my two best girlfriends, S and L. We talked, we talked about our lives on how insane/dramatic/boring/bitchy it can get. I talked about You. The most unlikeliest person that I would talk about, ever. It was nice to talk about you, yet I found myself...sad to talk about you. That was 5 days ago, but it seems like a very long time ago. Now, I realized that talking about you just brings more hurt, more....rejection.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not loved enough. Sometimes I don't feel love at all.
I can't seem to feel the utmost love that people shower upon me. The love that people around me actually hold. Friendly/sibling/parental love. I always observe, why do you all side her and scold me. And I realize, the exact same thing happens to me in somebody elses' perspective. I guess, we always need someone to help us point out what we don't realize. After all, isn't that what that person is for? To point out one's errs? I really should stop feeling like this, it doesn't do anything except cause much more hurt to oneself.


- I've heard the real you. Someone who I didn't imagine to be that....crude and mean...and racist. I'm not saying that I'm not any of the above mentioned, but... The way you handled yourself today, just made me question myself, has one of my good friend not been her/himself in front of me? Now that's got me doubting people. So....are you really gonna be there for me when I'm down just like you said? To send long text messages of good advice that never fails to make me smile, to just occupy my boredom. Or mainly just to show you care? Have I been living in a lie now? I'm...confused. So confused. This is happening all over again. The only catch: This time, its someone new. ):


Let's put that one side now shall we. Day 1 of MT drill has passed, it is very tiring and there's always one full paper to complete for the day. And another for homework. Maybe I'll keep today's homework and leave it for the weekend. Yes, I shall.

Alright, its currently 9.27pm and I best turn in early tonight.
buenos noches vaguelythis.